The Proverbs 31 Woman Was Not Co-Dependant

Co-dependant Rule #1

No.  Is a complete sentence.

I read this recently and was shocked that in my years of co-dependant struggles I had missed such a basic concept. I tend to always need to over explain myself.

So as I previously promised it’s time to take a look at that ridiculously annoying Proverbs 31 woman.

I must admit, generally I skim (or skip) that verse all together.  However, it was in reading Stormie O’Martian’s “The Power of a Praying Wife” (FYI-my copy of this book has been duct taped together)  I realized this woman I had made my nemesis was actually no more than a gal with healthy boundaries.

For example, this mama has a fruitful life and doesn’t sell out.  Her happiness is not dependent on whether or not her husband, boyfriend or kids have a good day.  A good day to her is based on the fact that she turned to God first and has utilized what God has given her uniquely to provide for her family and those around her.

What she didn’t do is earn money then throw it at her dysfunctional kids to get them out of her hair, quiet em up, bail them out of debt, jail or give into their nagging .  Plus I bet she wasn’t freaked out if the house wasn’t clean when her husband got home.

I’m certain that the Proverbs mom found her identity in God who created her not in what others threw at her because they were having a bad day.

She wasn’t pickin’ up what other people were puttin’ down.

In actuality she had such a good sense of herself and she didn’t need constant validation from others to feel good.  She sought to please an audience of one (no not her husband, God).  As a result blessings overflowed.

So why in verse 10 of Proverbs 31 does it say “a wife of noble character is worth far more than rubies?”  Because she had her value in Jesus Christ.  Not because she was adorned with jewels (or  knock-off cz’s from TJ Maxx she hoped others would think looked real in order to impress them.)

She is whole in God and turned to His reality and plan for her life to move forward.  She is not addicted to other people, how to please them or what they think of her.  (That’s the best definition of co-dependency I ever heard btw).

She is hot for God.

If you are breathing, you have value.  YOU are as precious as rubies.  So we will start at the beginning and work our way down through the characteristics of this woman in the weeks to come.

For those of you brave enough to read on I have pasted the “Wife of Noble Character” verses below.

Today’s Reality:  I (insert your name here) am worth far more than rubies.

Proverbs 31:10-31

New International Version (NIV)

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 [a]A wife of noble character who can find?    She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her    and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm,    all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax    and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships,    bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still night;    she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. 16 She considers a field and buys it;    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously;    her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable,    and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff    and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor    and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;    for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed;    she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them,    and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;    she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom,    and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household    and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed;    her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things,    but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;    but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

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